forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
