i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
