you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
