Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
