'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
