reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
