saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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