Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
