I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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