Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I want is dick and wine.
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