Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
