He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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