I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
