11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we're making bets on your personal life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
