Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
