You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This can only be settled by a dance off.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
