He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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