did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
