First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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