ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My life is pants optional.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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