I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
