My cat gives me a boner
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
