a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
