I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
