I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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