I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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