Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
