just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
