You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
