Christians are straight up FREAKS
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
