You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How naked do you want me to be?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
