Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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