i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
