my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize