It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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