Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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