My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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