marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he puts the penis in happiness.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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