shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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