It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
