I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
