I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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