I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think your dad took our porno
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
