Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Two words: blizzard sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
