I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
this will be a night to untag.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
