I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
