If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
