why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
