weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
