I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
