I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
