If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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