dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
