Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A+ Viking dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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