the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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