I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
