Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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