these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
