walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This house was built for laser tag.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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