k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
