My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
