it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
