Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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