Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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