cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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