Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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