sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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