He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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