My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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