i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
