Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
