so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
