I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
