I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
