now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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