All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
