It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
