She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
