Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
