She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
